The Curse of Perfection

The ideology of perfection has always surrounded me ever since I was a child. It was a concept embedded in me for as long as I could ever remember.

Being an only child, the burden to achieving what society dictates was placed heavily on my shoulders.

As to what modern society expects may vary from one place to another.

PERFECTION was defined by Mirriam Webster as:an exemplification of supreme excellence. In my own perception it is: achieving what is ideal.

So what is Ideal? As to my own vantage point, in order to become the perfect daughter it would entail a lot of things. Just to sum things up would be as follows:

The check list: THE MUST BE

1. Achieving good grades in order to gain entrance to the most prestigious medical school.

(MUST BE SMART)

2. Gain respect amongst people who are renowned and admired in the respective fields.

(MUST IMPRESS and HAVE AN IMPECABLE RECORD

3. Attain success and make a name in the chosen field set up for you.

(MUST BE SUCCESSFUL IN EVERYTHING YOU DO)

In order to fulfill “the checklist” one must go through a long and steep road in hopes to marked off at least one of the impossible goals set.

My path to “success”, especially during my earlier years, was a never ending struggle. It was laced with a lot of tears and discontentment most especially within myself.

My heart constantly felt heavy as doubt slowly consumed me.

I was never good enough.

1. I WASN’T SMART ENOUGH:

After years of hard work and endless nights spent studying, I failed to gain entry to the most prestigious medical school which everyone deemed ideal for me.

2. I TARNISHED THE PERFECT IMAGE PAINTED OUT FOR ME: The “role model image” my parents envisioned for me collapsed, as my failures continued pouring in. As a daughter of someone brilliant, I fell short from my goal.

3. I FAILED TO ATTAIN SUCCESS:

Receiving the “Ideal Education” meant everything in my household. Failing to get into the medical school that was expected of me meant the end to my future endeavours.

The idea of perfection ruined me. It was as if the norms of society transformed into a monster and swallowed me up whole.

I was never good enough.


If given the chance to delete this chapter in my earlier years… would I rewrite history?

Surprisingly, my answer would be a no. I wouldn’t change a thing. The struggles I went through in order to attain perfection eventually taught me an invaluable lesson.

I was good enough and merely failed to see this in myself.

If I could go back in time, I would probably just tell my old self a

Better check list: THE IMPORTANT LEARNINGS

1. Get good grades because it means you learned a great deal.

(LEARN NOT TO KNOW BUT TO UNDERSTAND)

2. Gain respect amongst people who matter. Most especially those people who encourage and believe in you. Be respected by those who stand by you and by those who truly matters.

(LEARN TO LEAN ON THE RIGHT KIND OF PEOPLE)

3. Attain success and make a name in endeavours you are passionate about. Work hard so you could be proud of yourself.

(LEARN TO SUCCEED IN THINGS THAT MATTERS TO YOU)

Perfection is an ideation everyone strives to achieve. It also makes or breaks a person. Whether you choose for it to make or break you is simply up to you.

I chose the earlier path. Having nearly lost myself in the battle for perfection made me realise to choose the wiser choice.

We can never avoid the standards set up by society nor can we avoid the pressures that comes with it. So why allow the monster to break me, when I can chose for it to make me instead.

The curse of perfection. Is it a monster or an angel in disguise?

As a topic quite close to my heart I hope this message reaches out to you as well. So what are your thoughts? How would you define perfection? Would you allow it to make or break you?

❤️ Eva

© 2018 Eva Gamallo

Photo credits: freeimage.com, pixabay.com

Text on Photo: © 2018 Eva Gamallo

The Inner Demons Within

Marilyn Monroe by Nicki Minaj

I can be selfish

Yeah, so impatient

Sometimes I feel like Marilyn Monroe
I’m insecure, yeah I make mistakes
Sometimes I feel like I’m at the end of the road

I recently stumbled upon the life story of one of the most iconic women in our history, Marilyn Monoroe.

Behind the glamorous blond bombshell image lay a tragic life story that ultimately led to her death.

Having a single mother that was unable to support her, she was sent to live at numerous foster homes as a child. Living in numerous loveless families, she finally managed to escape it all as she wed James Dougherty by the tender age of 16.

She worked her way up and the rest went down in history. She became one of the most advertised girls and the most popular sex symbols of the 1950s.

But what catapulted her into success would be her iconic role in the 1955 film “The Seven Year Itch”, which included the famous white dress fluttering in the wind scene.

Despite the fame, she struggled with her inner demons and at the young age of 36, she succumbed to an early death caused by an overdose of barbiturates.

The life of Marilyn Monroe has inspirired numerous people. One of which is the artist Nicki Minaj. In her song entitled Marilyn Monroe, she bared her soul and unfolded her inner struggles likened to what Ms. Monroe experienced.

Like Nicki Minaj and Marilyn Monroe, we too struggle with our inner demons. What it is simply varies from person to person.

Marilyn Monroe who back then was a natural brunette, dyed her hair into her signature blond locks to gain public interest. She too stuggled with her weight constantly and later on resorted to taking in diet pills. Procedures like going under the knife, she has done it too.

At the end of the day, one could simply surmise that all these were done in order to keep the sexy symbol she worked tireless for. Or she could have done it for other reasons to which we will never know of.

Whether it was in the 1950s or the present day and time, we all struggle with the same mental anguish as she did.

Following the latest fad diets and undergoing cosmetic procedures, what could probably be at the back of our minds?

Is it to become more beautiful? Is it in hopes to become more appreciated? Is it to gain more acceptance?

Truth is we mess up

Till we get it right

I don’t want to end up losing my soul

Everyday is a struggle to conform. But the question is when do we stop? When do we all stop listening to other’s opinion when in fact the only opinion that matters is how we see ourselves.

I can be selfish

Yeah, so impatient

Sometimes I feel like Marilyn Monroe

I’m insecure, yeah I make mistakes

Sometimes I feel like I’m at the end of the road

As we continue to struggle within ourselves,our greatest fear would ultimately be loosing oneself.

Our problem with our self appearance would just be the tip of the ice burg. As we continue to dig deeper into ourselves we may find something even greater … something more frightening.

Call it a curse

Or just call me blessed

If you can’t handle my worst

You ain’t getting my best

Is this how Marilyn Monroe felt? (felt felt felt)

Must be how Marilyn Monroe felt (felt felt felt)

Mental well-being is something we need to take into consideration apart from our physical health.

According to The Mental Health Foundation of UK, the most common mental health problems:

  • * Mixed anxiety & depression is the most common mental disorder in Britain, with 7.8% of people meeting criteria for diagnosis.
  • * 4-10% of people in England will experience depression in their lifetime.
  • Everything is easier said and done. It is quite easy to advise someone to seek for help but in reality it is very difficult to actually do so.
  • Having struggled with mental health problems myself, I eventually developed a distorted body image that ultimately led to crazy fad diets and missed meals.

    Press forward to 2018. I am currently suffering the adverse consequences of my actions, one would be gastric related problems.

    I would get bouts of stomach pain just by taking in strong coffee, soft drinks and alcohol. Although quite manageable, it is still a problem.

    Fortunately I realised that I had a problem and gathered the courage to seek help. With the proper guidance, I faced the demons within me.

    I am now better.

    Ten years into the journey, I became a doctor to better understand who I am. I fought through medical school in the hopes to be given the same chance to lend a helping hand to others, who continues to struggle.

    Learn to find the courage beneath the demons within. Know that it is okay to seek for help, whether to anyone around you and most especially to medical professionals adept in this field.

    Take me or leave me

    I’ll never be perfect

    Believe me, I’m worth it

    Photo: backfirealley.com

    What are your thoughts? If you underwent the same battles please do share your courage with others who are still struggling. If you are struggling let your voice be heard. It is never to late.

    ❤️Eva

    © 2018 Eva Gamallo

    • For more insight into the life of Marilyn Monroe and as to the basis of facts:

    https://magazine.ynetnews.com/entertainment/110003374/The-many-lives-of-miss-marilyn-monroe/

    • For more information with regards to the mental health foundation of uk

    https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk

    Photo credits to: Getty image, magazine.yneynews.com, http://www.backfirealley.com/presidential-vault/supplement-marilyn-monroe-crypt.html

    Song credits: Marilyn Monroe by Nicki Minaj