An ODE to myself

Dear Self,

How are you?

It’s been such a long time.

Are you still there?

Do you even care?

 

You once told yourself.

That if you didn’t practice the art of healing,

You’d be typing away.

So you could express your heart out.

 

Days passed by without a word,

Weeks flew by and months began rolling in.

No words resonnated.

Nothing.

 

I am busy, I am tired.

Do I need to justify myself some more?

My mind is blank.

Inspiration has foresaken me.

 

Was it the pressure of living to people’s expectations?

Was it the numbers the failed to satisfy your own greed?

Were these the reasons you felt like drowning?

Drowning, in you own words left unsaid?

 

Did you eventually get lost on your way to the top?

Do you even know the directions as to where you are headed.

Well you thought you did.

Boy, you got everything wrong.

 

Stop thinking too hard.

Stop thinking too much.

Stop berating yourself.

Stop doing this to yourself.

 

Didn’t people say its okay to fall.

After all, it’s the journey not the end point.

So stop nursing that wounded ego of yours.

Scars are there for a reason.

 

Finally, these uncoherent musings finally make sense.

Words are out.

Do you need to hear the verdict?

You’ve done well.



To all those reading, I know it’s been a while since I posted. I was gone for a while from this great community.

I know every person feels to justify themselves for their actions. I too feel that way so I should try to justify myself. I know there are people who enjoy my work that I feel I have letdown by keeping silent.

I finally understand the true definition of silence. It is not merely the absence of sounds but rather the absence of thoughts and a form of expression.

Silence can strip away a person’s freedom of expression. It can even strip one’s soul.

Like most people working tireless to earn a living, these past months have been spent juggling two work jobs while I manage to squeeze in sometime for myself, friends and most importantly family.

These are but reasons.

We are full of justifications once we feel cornered. Right? 

As the list of reasons became longer, the longer I spent away, the anxiety began to build up inside me. 

The numbers were going down and I felt that the pressure to write something great, sucked out all the inspiration from me. Hence the vicious cycle began.

Self doubt suddenly flooded in. 

Can I live up to my readers expectations? 

Would anyone still be reading this anyway?

And that is why it took so long.

Like any curious soul would do, every now and then I would visit and read other’s posted works. And like a ghost, I left no trace. Nothing.

It took a while for everything to settle out. IT TOOK AWHILE FOR ME TO MAKE THESE REALIZATIONS.

  • I envied them.
  • I missed the community.
  • I missed myself even more.

After gently smacking myself in the forehead, I’ve decided to go back. To go back to where I started.

Back to the time where stats didnt matter much to me.

Back to the time where building a following wasn’t the biggest of my worries.

And back to the time where writing was my own form of expression.

I am here to inspire those who want to be inspired. I am here because I want to connect and not for the following. 

Rest if you must but dont quit! You only cease to be a writer once you actually stop breathing, your heart stops beating and if you stop writing. 

 

 

20 thoughts on “An ODE to myself

    1. Im glad to have made this post that you related to. Im happy to hear that it is not only me who feels this way.

      It really made writing this worth while! Thank you so much for connecting with me.:)

      Liked by 1 person

    1. What great insight! I never saw that in such perspective. Writing in twofolds. I always thought that you had to write for others for people to enjoy your work. But there is always another side to things. Writing to yourself could also allow yourself to connect with others.

      Thank you!:)

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I relate too! And your post has made me realise that my recent blogging gap is fine and I will post when I want to, when I have something to share, or simply because I miss it when I dont! Many thanks for this lovely post, Eva!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi! I’m terribly sorry for the late reply. I just stumbled on your comment just now. Better late than never I hope.

      Blogging gaps are fine as long as you know in yourself that it’s fine. It’s good to miss out on some things since It makes you more desperate and hopefully more inspired? 😊 have a great day! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s a phase which happens with everyone who writes, known as the “Writer’s block”… Nothing to worry… Just take a break and come back with positive and motivating literary pieces… 🤗 Writing is an art and frankly speaking when you have the thoughts and ideas for which you are writing, words automatically comes… Will be eagerly waiting for your upcoming posts… 😊 And lastly, I would like to wish you a very happy new year as well… May you write more often in this year… 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Eva, you are a wonderful writer. The introspection it takes to write things that are meaningful and resonating can often leave us feeling anxious and plagued by self-doubt. Gifts have prices. And this is one of them. You have a strong wish for wings – wings such as only writing can furnish. It would be a great pity for you to be able to soar to great heights only to feel intimidated. Remember, all is as thinking makes it so; like the art itself, it really is all in the imagination. Focus on the writing and all else will follow. I really look forward to reading more from you in the coming weeks and months 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the kind words and compliments. I am so overjoyed to have received such comments from a writer whose work I enjoy reading and a writer whom I respect.

      I’ll take my ability to introspect both a blessing and a gift.

      It would be a great pity to reach those heights and to catch a glimpse from above only to be intimidated. I’ll definitely keep this in mind.

      I am still in awe on how you put such thoughts and all those words into that perspective. They way you construct your thoughts and how you play with words is amazing. It’s a gift that not everyone is blessed with.

      Can’t wait to hear more from you as well!
      Have a great day! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks, that’s so kind. But I must echo those sentiments back to you 😊. You’re a very natural writer and have a flair for expression; a gift. I’ll be stopping by from time to time to catch up on your work. Have a great week! All the best

        Liked by 1 person

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